


Cool Water

by EmmzyPlayz



Series: JhinShen Series [2]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, M/M, Memories, To Be Continued, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21904459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmzyPlayz/pseuds/EmmzyPlayz
Summary: Jhin has begun to notice all the little things he didn't notice before that Shen has been doing for him. Even going as far as to defend him from his former best friend even after all he has done to them both. However, Jhin is still stuck. Stuck on the idea of relapsing, and he can only wonder when it might happen. He also has yet to confront the consequences of his actions.
Relationships: Khada Jhin/Shen
Series: JhinShen Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577824
Kudos: 42





	Cool Water

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bekkomi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bekkomi).



> Inspired by the song: Clarity - Zedd
> 
> Continuation of Urges

_ One. _

_ Two. _

_ Three. _

_ Four. _

_ One. _

_ Two. _

_ Three. _

_ Four. _

Jhin hummed softly to himself as he walked through the Kinkou monastery, counting his steps in a steady rhythm as he went. It was a habit he had never been able to break, his obsession for the number still lingered. However, it was no longer a body count, and Jhin was relieved by that. Instead it was in the mundane things of life that he counted. The steps he took. The beats of his heart. The breaths he breathed. The amount of times Shen would steal glances at him. He smiled very slightly. The thought of the man who had gone from a nobody of a man to an enemy...to a friend that he cherished deeply. It was strange how life loved to pluck at the strings around him and make things so...entertaining. At least it amused him and somewhat intrigued him.

He continued to silently count in his head as his feet carried him towards his usual morning destination. It had become a ritual for him to rise from his slumber, dress himself and become presentable, before he would make his way here. He sighed contently at the warm sun on his skin as he took a seat in the center of the tsuboniwa. The scent of the damp moss and plants around him helping ease Jhin's mind. He found comfort here in the serenity of the garden. It helped ease his mind, soothed his still lingering urges. It had been a suggestion by Shen after he hit his six month mark at the monastery. After he had almost shot the man. Following it, Shen had taken him here as a means of clearing his mind. He smiled at the memory.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


_ Shen sighed softly as Jhin finally settled. The gravity of what had just happened sinking in and striking a cord within Jhin. "I...I'm sorry," he said softly, something he never thought he would say to anyone...let alone Shen.  _

_ The man pulled away just slightly, leaving his warmth lingering faintly on Jhin's skin. He brushed away Jhin's tears with his thumbs. Then, he grabbed Jhin's hands, seeming deep in thought for the moment. He took a deep breath. "It's okay, Jhin," he said. "I should have realized just how much you were hurting and said something sooner. I have an idea. Come with me, will you?" _

_ Jhin hesitated. Even after nearly killing him, Shen was still as patient as ever with him. He nodded silently, accepting whatever Shen had planned. Shen smiled, releasing one of Jhin's hands before guiding him from his room into the hallway. A silence elapsed between them, neither comfortable, nor intolerable. Jhin lets Shen take him wherever he wants. He trusts the Eye of Twilight. He knows that even in all his foolishness, Shen believes Jhin is redeemable. It is the only reason that he is still alive, otherwise, Zed would have put him six feet under. Shen is his only chance at living, so he will comply with whatever he asks...and well, his company is...not unpleasant.  _

_ Jhin soon finds himself in a garden-esk setting. It is located in a quieter area of the monastery. Somewhere more secluded and calming to Jhin's still chaotic thoughts and urges. He realizes Shen has stopped, still holding his hand with calloused palms that radiate warmth and comfort. Shen smiles at him as he speaks, "I believe this place will be good for you, Jhin. A place of silence and peace. A place to meditate uninterrupted. A place you can practice control. I come here often myself...if you'd like, I can even come here with you." _

_ Jhin was left in a stunned silence. The gesture is sincere, and Jhin knows Shen is genuinely trying to help him. That weight from their earlier encounter lifts off his shoulders, and he feels a lightness in his chest that he cannot describe or understand. "I...thank you...Shen." It is all Jhin can muster up. His mind blank as he can only stare at Shen. Words completely lost on him as he finds himself unable to look away from him. Unable to stop himself from feeling like nothing else mattered except this moment. _

_ Shen's other hand on his shoulder makes that trance break, and his gaze meets Shen's. "You do not need to thank me, Jhin. Anything for you, I will make happen." _

_ His words touch Jhin in a way he cannot put into words. He only smiles and nods. Shen looks relieved, and Jhin understands that Shen truly cares. That Shen wants him to be okay. Shen wants him to live a normal life. Not a life consumed with pain, suffering, death...and loneliness. He feels a warmth bursting in his chest that he doesn't know what to call, but he doesn't care. He enjoys this feeling. This moment.  _

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Jhin put a hand to his chest. That warmth from before making him feel all fuzzy inside. He wanted to know why he felt this way whenever he brought up that memory he shared with Shen. It reminded him of the euphoric feeling he got when he used to kill. However...it was different. He was troubled by this unknown problem he had, but...it wasn’t necessarily unwelcomed. “I thought I’d find you here,” came a voice, and Jhin turned to see Shen.

“Shen,” he greeted, smiling slightly as the man walked closer to him before taking a seat at his side. 

“How have your meditations been going?” Shen asked.

“Well. The urges have been...less frequent,” he said.

“That’s good,” said Shen assuringly. “That’s progress, Jhin. Honestly...you’ve done so much for only being here eight months. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, Shen. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Anything for you, Jhin. Anything.”

The way Shen looked at him as he spoke made that warmth burn hotter in Jhin’s chest. He had to take a second to think before he looked away. He decided it best to change the topic, unsure how else to approach him. “How have things been? I noticed you have been busy.”  _ Too busy to visit as often. _ The thought came and went. Fleeting, as Jhin swallowed down the guilt he felt from that. He had no right to demand Shen’s time. Shen was simply helping him to find a sense of a normal life. A normal life of coping with his urges. Once he completed that task, Jhin would be on his own once more. Free to live as he pleased in Ionia.

“Busy,” admitted Shen. “Akali stopped by this month to see your progress.”

“She did, huh? Scared I will kill her former Master?” scoffed Jhin in an unimpressed tone.

“...yes,” said Shen after a few moments. “However...I assured her that you have been working hard to improve and change. She observed you meditating during her visit, and she watched you interact with others in the Kinkou. She believes you have changed, but she still lacks the trust in you staying on this path.”

“I see…” said Jhin, unsettled at the idea of the young assassin having so easily been spying on him without his knowledge. Normally he was extremely aware of those around him...perhaps he needed to work harder on his meditations and clearing his mind? He should have heard her footsteps...felt her eyes on him. Was he getting rusty?

“Hey,” said Shen, touching his shoulder and pulling Jhin from that deep pit of panic and doubts. “Relax...I told her not to disturb you and to be quiet if she were to watch you. It was also from quite a distance...so relax.”

Jhin trembled only slightly under Shen’s touch, but it soon eased and ceased as Shen grounded him again. He closed his eyes before sighing. “I’m sorry...I just…”

“I know,” said Shen patiently. “You still have a long way to go, Jhin. But, I will be here every step of the way.”

Jhin nodded, seeming to settle fully again as he let Shen’s presence relax him once more. “I...assume Akali is not the only one who took up your time?” asked Jhin. He knew Shen wouldn’t be that busy with Akali. One visitor was not enough to capture every aspect of his attention.

Shen sighed as he let his hand drop from Jhin’s shoulder. “No...she wasn’t the only one. Zed sent Kayn to inform me that he would be visiting soon. I have been busy making preparations.”

Jhin’s breath caught in his throat. He should have expected this. Thinking he’d never see Zed again after being taken in by Shen was foolish of him. Of course that man would come to snuff out any peace of mind Jhin had. There was only one reason Zed would come to see him...and that was to see if Jhin was failing so he could send him to an early grave. “Z...Zed is coming...here?” asked Jhin softly. 

Back before he’d controlled his urges, he’d revelled in taunting him relentlessly. In making Zed’s life hell and hurting and even killing those he cared for. He’d killed Zed’s own pupils in front of him, injured those he loved and cared for. Zed had every right to resent him and want him dead. “He won’t hurt you, Jhin. He knows better. Even if he harbors negative thoughts and feelings still, I will not let him hurt you...I promise.”

His words were sincere and honest. Jhin trusted him to keep his word, nodding slowly. “I trust you,” he said quietly, and Shen smiled as a comfortable silence enveloped them. Neither had words to say, simply enjoying each other’s presence in the tsuboniwa.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Anxiety. That's what he felt as the day finally came that Zed was to arrive. Jhin had been hoping to avoid him at all costs, but Shen had told him that wouldn't be a good idea as Zed would just hunt him down and make the confrontation worse. So, he stood in the back of the room where they had set to meet. It was one of the few meeting rooms in the Kinkou. The floors made of tatami, shoji paper sliding doors, and wooden kozo walls. In the center sat a large chabudai with four small olive green pillows. It was the typical meeting rooms of Ionia. Jhin used to loathe their uninteresting aesthetic, but now...he found comfort in what reminded him of his homeland. 

He lifted his head as the sliding doors opened, and Shen stepped through. "Come in," said Shen over his shoulder before gesturing someone else inside. 

Jhin tensed slightly upon seeing the man enter. He was in his typical garbs, helmet, blades, and all. It was clear he did not see this as a meeting between friends. Then again, did Zed go anywhere not dressed in such a fashion? Behind him came who Jhin could only assume was Kayn. The one pupil he failed to kill. Then again, he hadn't been trying as hard to kill Kayn as he had been trying to lure Zed away to watch those people on the pier burn to remind him of how fruitless his efforts were. Jhin looked downward, swallowing that lump in his throat and the feelings of pleasure he got at the memory. 

He was silent as he avoided looking up at them. “Take a seat, please...and Zed take off your helmet, please…” said Shen, his own face shown clearly as he lingered by the door.

Jhin heard him grunt, and Jhin looked up. He watched the man sit down on one of the pillows before he looked up and their eyes met. He froze, feeling the burning rage and hatred in just Zed’s stare. Jhin was honestly surprised he didn’t burn two holes into his head from the intensity of it. He shifted uncomfortably as Zed spoke, “Why is he here?”

“You came to see him, did you not?” chided Shen as Kayn set Rhaast on the floor beside him and sat down next to Zed.

“Yes, he did,” interrupted Kayn as Zed looked like he was about to snap at Shen. “Did you not, Master?”

Zed grunted, looking back to Jhin with a deep set frown. It was obvious Zed absolutely hated him, and Jhin knew that no matter what he did, nothing would change how Zed felt towards him. Yet, Jhin didn’t blame him at all. If he was in Zed’s shoes, he would feel the exact same. Shen had a tight lipped smile, walking towards the opposite side of the table. He looked back to Jhin and motioned for him. “Come on, Jhin,” he said with a reassuring, earnest smile. 

Jhin frowned deeply, extremely uncomfortable in the situation, but he trusted Shen’s word. He walked to Shen’s side before he took his seat, Shen sitting beside him. Jhin shifted under Zed’s judgemental gaze. He felt like a child that was about to be scolded by his parents. The gentle, yet firm touch of a hand grabbing his under the table startled him, and he cast a glance at Shen. He gave him a look of reassurance before pulling his hand away again. He looked to Zed, meeting the man’s gaze as he now had that little push from Shen. “Well...we are all here, now what?” asked Kayn, looking disinterested for the moment.

“Has he been behaved?” asked Zed in a clipped tone.

“Yes, he has been improving greatly,” said Shen.

“How can we trust he isn’t putting on another performance for you, Shen?” snapped Zed. “Using your trust to take advantage and strike when he can?”

“Zed, he hasn’t tried to do that since he arrived here,” protested Shen, and Jhin winced, knowing damn well he was lying to save face for him.

“Bullshit!” shouted Zed, slamming his fist down on the table. “Do  _ not _ lie to me Shen. We may not see eye-to-eye anymore, but I was your best friend. I know when you lie!”

Shen’s gaze became stoney as he met Zed’s evenly. “Yes, you  _ were _ my best friend at one point, Zed. What happens in the Kinkou is none of your concern. Jhin is under  _ my _ control-”

“Which is exactly why I don’t trust him with you. You’re too soft, just like your father. Jhin should have died the first time we caught him,” argued Zed, having risen from the pillow as he towered over Shen. “You and I both know what your father did was a mistake. Look at how many people died because the Kinkou chose to imprison him instead of ending him on the spot!”

Shen slowly rose to his feet, continuing to evenly meet Zed’s gaze. “You speak of him as if he is not redeemable. Jhin has worked hard to change. Yes he may have stumbled once or twice, but  _ you _ of all people have no right to decide his fate. You, the one who struck down my father. Would it not be balanced for me to take your life in exchange for his, Zed?” asked Shen, and Zed looked away, unable to muster up a good retort. “As I thought. Jhin will remain under my care,  _ untouched _ . He has been doing well to change, and I will not watch you ruin that. Now, leave. You are not welcomed here.”

Zed opened his mouth, but Kayn who had risen grabbed his Master’s shoulder. Zed looked to Kayn as his pupil shook his head. Zed growled, roughly nudging Kayn’s hand from his shoulder before grabbing his helmet and putting it on. “This is not over, Shen.”

“Is it ever?” muttered Shen as the man left, Kayn looking apologetic as he followed his Master.

A silence eclipsed the remaining pair, and Shen sighed tiredly. He sunk down onto the pillow again. It was as though the moment had drained all the energy he had left. Jhin frowned, unsure what to do. He hesitated before reaching out and touching Shen’s shoulder. “Shen?” Jhin asked softly, unsure what the other was thinking.

Those purple eyes turned on Jhin, a dull tiredness in them. “Jhin…” he said softly, and Jhin understood now.

The tense conversation...the mention of his father...it was what had hurt him. It hurt Shen that he had once been so close with Zed, and he had lost everything and everyone...and it was all Jhin’s fault. He felt a strong pang of guilt followed by a pain in his chest. “I’m sorry, Shen…” he whispered softly. “I’m so sorry...for everything…”

Shen’s eyes widened slightly before they darkened with a stormy sadness. “Jhin…” he said softly, sitting up fully before he reached out and cupped the man’s cheek.

Jhin stared at Shen, pain...sadness...guilt...and this unexplained feeling making his heart want to burst. Tears pricked at both men’s eyes before Shen pulled Jhin in towards him. He pressed their foreheads together, Jhin able to smell the scents of sweat and cherry blossoms from the other. “It’s okay…” whispered Shen as tears slowly fell down his cheeks. “I forgive you...I have forgiven you so long ago…”

Jhin let in a shaky breath, tears dripping down his cheeks as the weight of all he had done...all he had caused and ruined came crashing down on top of them both. He let out a small sob, Shen pulling the other into him as he let Jhin cry as he had two months prior. Shen knew full well how long it would take for Jhin to heal not just in terms of controlling himself, but realizing the gravity of his actions. He placed a gentle kiss behind Jhin’s ear, tears rolling down Shen’s own face as he let himself sink into his memories of the past. Let himself let his composure go for once, and Jhin held him just a little tighter because even though Jhin was hurting, he knew Shen was hurting worse. He hoped that maybe this little bit of comfort would perhaps be the beginning of him redeeming himself for Shen and giving him back something...even if it meant he could never give him his family or his best friend back.


End file.
